You get anxious when the dinner bill comes. Your roommate never sends that Venmo. Your mom constantly reminds you how much she spent on your college tuition. Your friends on Instagram seem to be living a life you can't afford. Your spouse hides her Amazon packages. You put off paying your credit card for another month.
Sound familiar? Money triggers are all around us.
They set off an intense feeling that most likely is tied to other feelings. Rather than fight, run, or ignore the triggers, try to break them down. Here are some simple ways to identify your personal money triggers and handle them in a healthy (versus destructive) way.
First off, acknowledge every time you feel any emotion around money. Write down how you feel. Be brutally honest with yourself. Don't judge the feeling, but be curious about why you feel the way you do.
Try to unpack what underlies the trigger. For example, you're afraid your new partner will not want to be with you when they know how much student debt you have. So you do not discuss it. Consider if you are feeling unworthy of love. Are you sabotaging yourself and using money as the excuse? Do you define yourself based on your bank account?
Let's do a quick exercise. Grab a piece of paper and create three columns: What is the Problem, What is the Feeling, What is the Solution. I recently did this exercise with a friend who had issues with debt. Here's what she shared:
What is the Problem: Too much debt
What is the Feeling: I feel less than, embarrassed, scared, irresponsible. I don't know what to do.
What is the Solution: Discuss it With my partner and share my feelings as well as my fear. Ask for help. Try to make a plan on how to pay it off and save at the same time.
Here's another example. A friend was having issues with a roommate who never repays him for anything related to the apartment. Obviously this caused him a lot of stress and anxiety:
What is the Problem: My roommate never pays me back
What is the Feeling: Anger. Hurt. Embarrassed. Helplessness.
What is the Solution: Talk to him about it. Tell him it puts me in a difficult position. Set a schedule for him to repay me. Discuss the possibility of him taking ownership of some fees and me repaying him.
When you identify the feeling, you feel more in control. And when we feel confident about ourselves in relation to money, we make better decisions.
